One of Dietrich Bonhoeffer‘s remedies to combat our selfish desire to manipulate others in the context of fellowship is to exercise self-control over our tongues…

Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be expressed in words. It is certain that the spirit of self-justification can be overcome only by the Spirit of grace; nevertheless, isolated thoughts of judgment can be cured and smothered by never allowing them the right to be uttered, except as confession of sin…He who holds his tongue in check controls both mind and body (James 3:2 ff).

Thus, it must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying that occurs to him. This prohibition does not include the personal word of advice and guidance…

…But to speak about a brother covertly is forbidden, even under the cloak of help and good will; for it precisely in this guise that the spirit of hatred among brothers creeps in when it is seeking to create mischief…

The point…is clear and Biblical (Psalm 50:20-21; James 4:11-12; Ephesians 4:29) (Life Together, 91-92).

The environment in which we fellowship in is greatly enhanced for the good when we begin to hold back words and statements that do not edify our brothers and sisters.